When Confusion's my CompanionAnd Despair holds me for RansomI will feel no fearI know that You are near - King and Country
QNR returns to the FSMwired Bunker 2.0
From the Diary of Ruby Blake
Come the Contemplations of Unanswered Questions
Ugh?
Today I have been WRESTLING.
What do I want to do with God? Do I believe that He exists? Do I believe that I need Him? Do I believe that Jesus is God? Is He accessible to me? Would a “relationship with God” be in my mind, or will I FEEL it at all?
To what point do I—try to imagine God, talk to Him, TRY to believe / picture Him? What will HE do, and what is my job? How do I know that He has chosen / taken hold of / found me? If I “just trust God,” well, what do I do in the meantime? How many people really have a TRUE, RIGHT relationship with Jesus?
Whom do I address in the Trinity? Do I pray to the Holy Spirit sometimes, God the Father sometimes, and Jesus sometimes? Is Jesus the MAIN one?
How do I know that it is God talking to my heart—and when is it Satan? When is it just ME? Is it ever? How much do I do (e.g. resisting the devil, “having faith,” I don’t know—situations where I try to CONVINCE myself of something or change my mindset), and how much will the Spirit do?
What does Jesus do, and what does the Spirit do? What does God do? Or can I not make distinctions because they are One?
Should I FOCUS on learning the Bible? How important is academic study, in comparison? How much speculation about Truth is healthy, and when should we stop trying to figure it out? What do people do who don’t have the Bible—how do they grow in TRUTH?
I could go on. Questions—these are good to put on paper, to release from cluttering, rattling in my mind. I WANT TO BELIEVE IN JESUS. I want to pursue Truth. I don’t know how to believe it in my SOUL, without doubts in my MIND
Today I have been WRESTLING.
What do I want to do with God? Do I believe that He exists? Do I believe that I need Him? Do I believe that Jesus is God? Is He accessible to me? Would a “relationship with God” be in my mind, or will I FEEL it at all?
To what point do I—try to imagine God, talk to Him, TRY to believe / picture Him? What will HE do, and what is my job? How do I know that He has chosen / taken hold of / found me? If I “just trust God,” well, what do I do in the meantime? How many people really have a TRUE, RIGHT relationship with Jesus?
Whom do I address in the Trinity? Do I pray to the Holy Spirit sometimes, God the Father sometimes, and Jesus sometimes? Is Jesus the MAIN one?
How do I know that it is God talking to my heart—and when is it Satan? When is it just ME? Is it ever? How much do I do (e.g. resisting the devil, “having faith,” I don’t know—situations where I try to CONVINCE myself of something or change my mindset), and how much will the Spirit do?
What does Jesus do, and what does the Spirit do? What does God do? Or can I not make distinctions because they are One?
Should I FOCUS on learning the Bible? How important is academic study, in comparison? How much speculation about Truth is healthy, and when should we stop trying to figure it out? What do people do who don’t have the Bible—how do they grow in TRUTH?
I could go on. Questions—these are good to put on paper, to release from cluttering, rattling in my mind. I WANT TO BELIEVE IN JESUS. I want to pursue Truth. I don’t know how to believe it in my SOUL, without doubts in my MIND
Psalms 42
As the deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
How I would go with the throng
and lead them in the procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
My salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
From Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of the waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock:
Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?"
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long
Where is your God?"
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
As the deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
How I would go with the throng
and lead them in the procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
My salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
From Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of the waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock:
Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?"
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long
Where is your God?"
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
I look up to the mountains
Does my strength come from the mountains?
No, my strength comes from God
Who made heaven, and earth, and the mountains
When confusion's my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that You are near
When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I'll find my comfort here
‘Cause I know that You are near
My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that You're lifting me up on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless
I look up to the mountains
Does my strength come from the mountains?
No, my strength comes from God
Who made heaven, and earth, and the mountains
When confusion's my companion
And despair holds me for ransom
I will feel no fear
I know that You are near
When I'm caught deep in the valley
With chaos for my company
I'll find my comfort here
‘Cause I know that You are near
My help comes from You
You're right here, pulling me through
You carry my weakness, my sickness, my brokenness all on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
My help comes from You
You are my rest, my rescue
I don't have to see to believe that You're lifting me up on Your shoulders
Your shoulders
You mend what once was shattered
And You turn my tears to laughter
Your forgiveness is my fortress
Oh Your mercy is relentless